Lost boy...

How is it that some days I can feel so lost.

I want you to Imagine being a little kid in a supermarket and image that striking moment when you can’t find your parent, that utter moment of discomfort when your world comes crashing down. Eventually you find your parent because they are never that far away really, but imagine facing that feeling all the time, lasting all day.

You have to tell yourself that you’re not a little kid lost in a supermarket that this is real life and you have to face the feeling of being a lost boy. No one is going to reach down and grab your hand when you’re feeling lost, you have to be your own parent.

You have to realise that life isn’t a cheap budget holly wood movie that has a happy ending, it’s real its morbid and SHIT happens. Your heart gets broken, you don’t get that job you applied for, your friends choose other people. People who you thought you had something special with move on yet you’re stuck being lost in an illusion of “what ifs”.

I guess what I am trying to say is that feeling lost is a stage in life that i think even the strongest of people have to go through. Lately I have been lost more than ever, I spend nights crying myself to sleep, and wondering and just trying to find myself.

Being a lost boy is difficult and sometimes it’s hard to hide the fact that you are indeed lost. You try to hide it by saying “you’re tired” or “I had a big night”. Little do your friends know or work colleagues know that you had to go into the bathroom to fall apart and re find yourself before they noticed you falling apart.

Somedays are blessed so so blessed you laugh lots, you hang out with friends, you do things that fill your heart with happiness but still deep down you feel lost. I am not sure the 26 characters that are on my keyboard can find the right words to describe this feeling.

So I guess I will just say it’s like being lost in a supermarket when you’re a little kid.

See the thing I’ve learn’t about being a lost boy is that I don’t know if I want to be found? I mean I feel like I have become so familiar with the mystery of being lost in my own thoughts and world, that Im not sure I can be found. I am not sure If I can come out of this on top and close this chapter of my life? I’m not sure I want to, as there is a strange sense of comfort in being lost and not having to face the future.

Cal

Callum Gordon